I speak to lots and lots of couples on a day-to-day basis and I'm privileged enough to be included in both the good and bad aspects of wedding planning. I'm always happy to be a source of advice when it comes to your big day, but sadly there's one issue that I get asked about more than anything.
Planning a wedding is one of the most exciting times in your life, but its no secret that it can also be incredibly stressful. This stress can be magnified if you have divorced parents, especially if there is any bad blood between them. But don't worry! With a little bit of planning, communication and sensitivity, you can ensure that your special day goes smoothly.
Let's talk about some of the things you can do to help ease the worries:
Make it clear that it's YOUR day First and foremost. It's important to remember that this is YOUR day. Your parents may have their own opinions and ideas, but at the end of the day, it's up to you and your partner to decide what you want. Make sure to communicate this clearly to your parents and set boundaries as needed. It's okay to say no to certain requests or ideas if they don't align with your vision for the day.
Be upfront and communicate with your parents. It's essential to start the wedding planning process by communicating openly with your parents about your expectations. Let them know that you understand the situation and that you want to make sure everyone feels comfortable and included. Ask for their input, but also be clear about your own ideas and boundaries. Set out some ground rules ahead of time, and ask them to be respectful of each other for the sake of your wedding day.
Seat them separately If your parents don't get along. This will help to minimise any potential conflict or tension, allowing everyone to relax and enjoy the day. Consider seating them on opposite sides of the room or at separate tables during the reception. I do know there are certain expectations when it comes to seating plans at the top table, so try and think ahead about how you want to address this. The most common way I've seen is to just have a top table with seating for just the bride and groom, yes it's not the traditional way of doing things, but it saves headaches in the long run.
Plan ahead for photos Family photos. Obviously, your wedding photos are a big part of any wedding day, but they can be challenging when dealing with divorced parents. Be sure to plan ahead and discuss with your photographer how best to manage the situation. Consider taking separate photos with each parent's side of the family. This will ensure that everyone is included in the photos without any awkwardness or tension.
Be sensitive when choosing readings and music. When choosing readings and music for your wedding ceremony, it's important to consider the feelings of your parents. Some readings or songs may be more sensitive to their situation than others, and it's crucial to choose something that won't make anyone uncomfortable. Consider discussing your choices with both parents ahead of time to ensure that everyone is happy with the selections.
Hire a wedding planner. If you're feeling overwhelmed with the planning process or unsure how to handle divorced parents at your wedding, consider hiring a wedding planner. A wedding planner can help you navigate any potential conflicts or tensions and ensure that your wedding runs smoothly. They can also provide support and guidance throughout the planning process, allowing you to focus on the fun and exciting parts of getting married.
Enlist your best man. On occasions when you don't have a wedding planner, speaking to your best man to make them aware of the situation can also be a huge help. Make it clear that you're not expecting them to wade in and be a referee, or throw any punches, but just asking them to keep an eye on any developing tensions and to alert venue staff accordingly means you can concentrate on enjoying your big day.
Focus on the positives. While dealing with divorced parents can be challenging, it's essential to focus on the positive aspects of your wedding day. You're getting married to the love of your life and surrounded by friends and family who love and support you.
In an ideal world, you would love your parents to put their differences to one side for the sake of your happiness, and believe it or not, it's not uncommon for that to happen. I've been to quite a few weddings, where couples have worried about potential arguments and awkwardness, for both parents to then end up being sat together with their new respective partners sharing a drink by the end of the night.
Feel free to let me know if you've got any other ideas in the comments below, I'd love to hear them!
Peace. Love and Photos.
Jono. x